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depression deepens
heart wrenches
twisting inside
ringing inside
i can't get it to stop
no matter what i do
it just won't stop
no matter who i tell
no matter how much i write
it just won't stop
i see only one way out
no one cares
no one loves me
no one will miss me
what's it matter
i gather up the pills
i sit and stare at them
i open up the bottles
one by one i open them
there must be hundreds there
i open up my drink
i take the first bottle
down they go
i take the second bottle
down they go
i take the third bottle
down they go
the fourth bottle the same
i lay down on the couch
i wait for sleep
i wait for the sleep where i'll never wake up
but i do wake up
in the hospital
on a respirator
i'm in icu
on a warmer
i should have died
he saved my life again
why did he have to save my life again
why couldn't he have just let me go
why does he want me around
i'm not that important
it's the last time i tried
i began healing
i began understanding
i began to come to grips with my new life
of being someone who will always be sick
i started getting better
then i get slammed with a divorce