none

my home is gone
where i raised my child is gone
never to be entered into again
only to be driven by
reminsced about in conversations
we were going to stay in that house til college was over
but things change
divorce happened
foreclosure faced us
we were dumb to get that second mortgage
should have never done it
it ruined everything
strained us beyond belief
so now our home is gone
it wouldn't have been my home anymore anyway
i was kicked out
but my son could have stayed
either way
the house is gone now
it is to be grieved
another chapter closed

dazed

left dazed and confused
what to do
what to feel
how to do it
where to start
how do i do it
where do i begin
how do i set the boundaries
i don't want the anger
i don't want the hatred
i don't want the fighting
do i sacrifice my happiness
for yours
or do i set the boundaries
to make myself happy
and sacrifice a friendship
at the same time
what to do
so dazed and confused

Jake

You are the light of my life
My reason for living
You're beautiful eyes
The key to your soul
You're growing to be a young man
Smart and responsible
Strong and lien
Intelligent and sympathetic
Friendly and caring
Loving and empathetic
You are growing into a wonderful young man
Who will be amazing in your own way
You are the love of my life
My pride and joy
I am so proud of you
I always will be proud

broken hearted

you're moving on
i'm broken hearted
it's not with me
it's with someone else
i tried to show you
i could be the one you wanted
but it was too late for me
she's better for you anyway
she loves and respects you
the way you should be
you love and respect her
the way you should
and don't with me anymore
i betrayed you
she hasn't
she never will
she knows what it feels like to get hurt
i only learned that when you left
i wish you all the happiness life can offer you two
i wish you a lifetime of it

dreams

i have dreams
of meeting that man
that will make everything ok
accept me for who i am
and what i will be
and everything in between
love me for me
lift me up when i'm down
enjoy life together
enjoy the quiet times together
enjoy cuddling just to cuddle
enjoy our space apart
live life as one
be happy together
be happy with our lives
argue once in a while
but not stay mad because it's not worth it in the end
love life to the fullest
enjoy a night in
enjoy a night out
enjoy trips together
love taking drives just for the sake of taking a drive
get a motorcycle
enjoy my son
prioritize my son
love my son
i just want to be happy together forever
grow old together

none

depression deepens
heart wrenches
twisting inside
ringing inside
i can't get it to stop
no matter what i do
it just won't stop
no matter who i tell
no matter how much i write
it just won't stop
i see only one way out
no one cares
no one loves me
no one will miss me
what's it matter
i gather up the pills
i sit and stare at them
i open up the bottles
one by one i open them
there must be hundreds there
i open up my drink
i take the first bottle
down they go
i take the second bottle
down they go
i take the third bottle
down they go
the fourth bottle the same
i lay down on the couch
i wait for sleep
i wait for the sleep where i'll never wake up
but i do wake up
in the hospital
on a respirator
i'm in icu
on a warmer
i should have died
he saved my life again
why did he have to save my life again
why couldn't he have just let me go
why does he want me around
i'm not that important
it's the last time i tried
i began healing
i began understanding
i began to come to grips with my new life
of being someone who will always be sick
i started getting better
then i get slammed with a divorce

Moms

I feel your presence around me
It's comforting to know you're here
You give me a sense of calmness
A sense of peace that I so need
That sense of a mothers love I rarely feel
Since you've been gone
How I miss your touch
Your kisses
Your hugs
Your voice
I miss those midnight phone calls on my birthday
Singing to me
The first to tell me happy birthday
You always made sure you were the first
You always took time out for me
No matter what you were doing
Or how busy you were
We talked all the time on the phone
Multiple times a day
I'd just show up at the house
And you'd get this big smile on your face
So happy to see us
So happy to see Jake
He was the light of your life
You'd do anything for us
How I wish you were here now
To help me through this tough time
But I know you're with me in spirit
And if you were here
I'd be with you and so would Jake
You wouldn't let him be taken from me

my loss

my heart broken
torn to pieces
all in four words
i want a divorce
i thought things were fine
i never saw it coming
i was sideswiped
tears running down my face
my heart wrenching with pain
my marriage was over in the matter of seconds
the tears wouldn't stop for weeks
maybe even months
i begged for you back
i changed
stayed on my meds
turned myself around
i couldn't get you to see it
you didn't want to see it
you were done
you moved on
only to cause me more pain